You know how it feels when something tugs on you time and time again. It may be a small whisper, and lightening fast thought, or just a change in your emotions for a second. Well that is how our journey to adoption started.

We were married in 2005, I was 19 and getting ready to start my 3rd year of college. My husband was 31; taking on marriage to me :), first time home owner, and bread winner. Wow, did we jump off head first! But, honestly, that how we have always done things.

Fast forward a couple of years; I was graduating, pregnant with our sweet oldest son, and getting ready to start my first job as a brand new x-ray tech. My husband was just thankful to have some additional income coming in, instead of me doing clinicals for free. (Amen, if you’ve been there!) I remember even then, thinking…should we be adding another human to this world when so many kiddos are already here and need someone to love them. Again, that fleeting thought flashing through my mind. Even as a mommy in waiting, the mommy guilt was already a real thing! “How can you think that Jamie, you have tried for NINE MONTHS to be blessed with this child inside of you.”, “Why are you asking yourself this question now?”

Now let me clarify, I am SO 1000% thankful for my two bio babies!! They are a precious gift from heaven and I cherish them with all inside me. But, that little tug in my heart kept coming back time and time again. And just like we all do at times, I would just push those heart tugs back in my mind and kept pressing on with what I was COMFORTABLE with, what I had always planned for.

Both my husband and I grew up in very conservative religious homes. There were so many don’ts and not nearly as many do’s that it was easy to accept the path that was expected: get married, have a couple kids, live a good life, go to heaven, the end…BUT…didn’t God expect our lives to be more than this?

After our second sweet blessing came into this world, my husband decided he for sure did not want anymore children. Because of his 12 years my senior, I understood his reasoning to not be 65+ when our babies would graduate from high school. But, I just wasn’t certain that our family was complete, but the decision was made, and the vasectomy was completed. A few years later I was approaching 30, and the baby bug came knocking. My husband and I both did not really want to pay for a reversal of his vasectomy, and I wasn’t really sure I was up to being pregnant again either. So, we were just kept living the day in/day out, no real plan to do anything about our feelings toward expanding our family.

Then we found out that someone in my extended family had unexpectedly became pregnant, she was not in a good situation to bring a child into her life, and that’s when the first REAL opportunity hit us in the face. Maybe we could adopt her baby! We prayed about it, put out a few hints in the family that we would be interested in an open adoption, and just waited to see what would happen. My heart was filled with hope and expectation, we were cautiously optimistic that she would agree that this was a great plan, but then, 3+ months into the pregnancy, she spontaneously miscarried the pregnancy. You would have thought I miscarried; both my husband and I cried and grieved for that child, as if it was our own. But, after a while, we accepted reality and pressed on.

A few years later, a very similar situation came about, only this time it was another unplanned pregnancy on my husbands side of the family. We again put out some hints that we would be open to an adoption, only this time, because of the mothers lifestyle, an open adoption was not an option for us. However, it was not meant to be. Thankfully, this time a beautiful baby girl came into this world, was loved by another couple from the family, only to be returned to her mother a few months later. I hurt for those “temporary” parents, but was thankful that this sweet baby girl had love and security from her first breath. But it did remind us that we were wise to only consider a closed adoption, especially for the sanity of our two sweet kiddos who would be siblings, and attach to a baby so quickly.

OK, fast forward to present day. In the fall of 2018, my husband and I AGAIN found ourselves in a situation where a distant family member by marriage had lost their medically challenged toddler due to neglect. His grandparents were given relative kin placement, but one of them was diagnosed with cancer a few months after the placement. We had a decision to make. Would a kiddos with special needs fit into our family, and how would this affect our home? After prayer and giving our kiddos all the information, we felt thrilled to welcome this toddler into hearts. But, alas, it was not meant to be. Thank God, the cancer was easily remedied with surgery, and this sweet kiddo was able to stay where he was, no more disruption for him. Of course, we were so thankful for this, but it was another lost opportunity to complete our family.

BUT…don’t you always love when a BUT changes the end of the story???? I sure do!!

BUT this time the disappointment came with a new mission. It was time to take this to a new level. After secretly looking into different options online, I found that adopting from foster care was almost free; not the impossible to imagine $30,000+ that had deterred us all these years. I found myself approaching my husband in the bathroom one morning while we were getting ready for work. I gave him all the info, I probably gave him WAY more detail than he really needed, but hey, us ladies like to lay it all out on the table, am I right?!?!? Anyway, he was totally on board to pursue this new option and so we took our first steps on our journey to adopting from foster care.

And just like that, we jumped in head first! I had our classes scheduled to start in February, home study visits completed in April, and by May we were a certified foster to adopt home. All we need now is our sweet blessing to walk through the door and into our hearts forever!