I have always approached parenting my children with their mental and physical health as #1 priority. I grew up in a home with a mentally ill father who refused to be medicated. Mental illness runs deep on the paternal side of my heritage and therefore; for me, nurturing the mental health of my children and myself has been a huge part of my parenting choices.
That being said, I have also seen the other side of the coin. As a teen I was closely connected to someone who was being treated for mental illness. My sweet friend was truly struggling with their mental health, even knowing if they wanted to live or die. It was awful watching my friend experience this type of pain. As part of the treatment my friend received, they were given different types of mood enhancers and stabilizers. Over a few weeks time, my friend became a different person, zombie like is the best description that comes to mind. My friend suddenly had no drive to do anything, all they wanted to do is sleep, their personality was missing. I was looking into the eyes of a stranger in a sense. Fortunately, this medicated state only lasted for a short while and quickly the drugs were either adjusted or discontinued and my friend quickly recovered.
As a older teen and into my early twenties, I also observed a child in my family who was diagnosed with ADHD. I remember on multiple occasions talking with my husband about this child, and I so arrogantly proclaimed “If his parents would just tighten up on discipline he would be fine, he didn’t really need medication.” I look back at those comments and laugh at how naïve and clueless I was.
If you have read my other article “A Lesson in Piecing the Puzzle” you are aware that I had my own moment with my son when I proclaimed “…one of us going to be medicated…”. Obviously life has taught me a few lessons along the way. One thing I left out of that article was the statement my little five year old said after I was done proclaiming my frustrations. He looked up at me, his beautiful brown eyes full of confusion and he said to me “Mommy, I don’t know what’s wrong with me?” My heart breaks all over again as I write this. At that moment I realized that I had failed to protect his little mind. I was so caught up in parenting him, keeping a disciplined schedule, going through the daily routine, and I had lost focus on the mental health of my child! That comment shook me to my core. No five year old should be asking that kind of question about himself.
For our family, that was the moment that medication became an option. I wish I would have noticed it before he did. I’m not proud of the fact that my child had to verbally tell me that he thought something was wrong with him before I made a step toward medical intervention. Nevertheless, no matter how we got to the decision to begin medication, I have not regretted it for a second.
I encourage you as a parent; if you are struggling to get through the day without you or your child practically having a nervous breakdown of sorts, take a moment and reflect on what is happening. Step back from the day to day and really take inventory of the mental health of your family. Ask yourself some questions:
Are we having more negative interaction than positive with our child? What kind of interaction is my child having with the other adults or teachers in his/her daily life? Are they positive, are they negative? Are you missing or ignoring signs because you don’t want to admit something may be different with your child?
I know that last question sounds harsh, but it’s true! I had such strong opinions about ADHD prior to having children. I categorized those parents- “They just don’t know how to discipline their children.” “They are lazy, they just don’t want to parent kids, so they medicate them to make it easier.” Oh yeah, I have ate some crow ladies and gentlemen, but I don’t think I am alone in these opinions. All I ask, if this is you, please don’t put your personal judgments or your life long images of a perfect family ahead of the mental health of your child. It’s not about you or me, it’s about giving your child the tools they need to see themselves for the miracle they are. They are a gift from God above!
Our family is now six years into our ADHD+Medication journey. We have a great relationship with our son’s pediatrician, and we keep very transparent communication with her. We will bring school work or feedback from his teachers to our appointments. We have also chosen to be honest with our son about his medication. He knows that it’s his “concentration pill”, and as he gets older, he is becoming more aware of how it helps him perform and interact with others. I believe this honesty has allowed him to understand his diagnosis is just a diagnosis. It does not define who he is, or what he can or cannot accomplish. It is not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. He also knows that it is not an excuse, our expectations for his performance in school, his behavior at home or in public are still the same as his other siblings.
No, medication is not a magic fix, but it certainly changed all of our lives for the better. The positive interaction greatly outweighs the negative both at home and at school. His performance in sports and other activities builds his confidence. His mental health is stronger, his self-worth is deeply rooted, and he loves who he is. All of that makes the choice to medicate the right one for us!
